Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Solitude

To sit on rocks, to muse o'er flood and fell,
To slowly trace the forest's shady scene,
Where things that own not man's dominion dwell,
And mortal foot hath ne'er or rarely been;
To climb the trackless mountain all unseen,
With the wild flock that never needs a fold;
Alone o'er steeps and foaming falls to lean;
This is not solitude, 'tis but to hold
Converse with Nature's charms, and view her stores unrolled.

But midst the crowd, the hurry, the shock of men,
To hear, to see, to feel and to possess,
And roam alone, the world's tired denizen,
With none who bless us, none whom we can bless;
Minions of splendour shrinking from distress!
None that, with kindred consciousness endued,
If we were not, would seem to smile the less
Of all the flattered, followed, sought and sued;
This is to be alone; this, this is solitude!

Lord Bryon

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Unappreciated

Just feeling unappreciated these days. Nothing I do or say seems to make anyone satisfied. Why bother? Should I just continue on? Or shall I just pretend that nothing happened and try to move on with my life? Maybe Donna was right. When you need to move and make yourself happy again once more, you just have to make an abrupt turn, bite the bullet and never look back again. Kinda miss her advice (although my parents had to pay for it but it was worth it). I suppose it was easier to talk to people who are trained in these matters as they will never judge you, but rather see the whole situation in a trained manner. Maybe once I earned enough, I'll find one for myself over here although I need to scan through the Yellow Pages or ask from my friends in the medical field for help.

Issues may be big or small, but they can kill you if they are kept for a long time. I suppose I can't really deny it. I need help but I'm just too ashamed to admit it to people. Because it is not something you would like the whole world to know, and they will assume that you've really gone poco loco because you tell people you need help. Although incidences such as mine are on the rise, not many have gone to the lengths of actually analysing each thought, cause and effect, and reasoning behind these cases. I know somehow that I will need help someday. I just hope it will not be too late for me.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Pink/Redeye

Arrrgh...gonna miss college today. (Not that i really do anyway) And doctor's orders to stay away from bright lights and monitors (So what am I doing now? hehehe). Gonna sit down and rest and eat plenty of carrots that I've bought to fix my poor lungs thanks to numerous amounts of cancer sticks that I've accumulated over the years and also to fix my eyes. Damm... Now to construct my Mammoth tanks and Predators. hmmmm....

Monday, May 14, 2007

Langkawi Pictures

Hi fellas,

I know it's kinda late but was too lazy to post up the pictures that we took from the Langkawi trip. Anyway a picture tells a 1000,10,000,100,000 and1,000,000 words (and I'm tooooo lazy to write) so here u go folks.






















Saturday, April 28, 2007

Music Music Music... :P

Had a great holiday (although this is only the 2nd week). Went down to Singapore to do a another project with him entitled Alice in Wonderland. Had a great 2 days of doing work although there was a lack of sleep in the end. It was fun and I really want to thank my parents for allowing me to do what I love, Varian for offering me this job and knowing that I really want to do it (although he pays me good money but that's not the actual reason why I'm doing it...honest!!!), my friends for their support for encouraging me to do what I want to do and of course my Dear Dear Dear Dear darling who knows how much I wanted to do these types of projects and as a result we have to put our holiday plans on hold for awhile.

I know some of you will probably call me a selfish jerk for not taking her for a holiday first, and truth to be told, the timing was a little crappy but we shifted our schedules around and hopefully we can be in langkawi by next week. The music job really tired me out and I am looking forward to a good rest in langkawi. I know it was only a 2 day job, but try keeping awake for 36 hours and getting your creative juices plugging into the Roland and the Mac and you can be physically drained out. I ended up sleeping in Starbucks Victoria Street while waiting for the shops to open. Poor Varian had to run out early in the morning to meet up with his boss at 8.30 am and we worked through the nite to get everything done up for the play.

I'm glad for Varian though. Hopefully everything will fall into place and he is able to do what he really wants to do and I get some of it too...hehehe. Over the number of projects I've done with Varian, I've noticed my style is getting kinda stale over the years. I suppose that's what will happen when you do too much computing studies and you get stuck with repetitiveness over and over again. Time to flush out and redo everything from the start so that when the next project comes I will have another set of juices flowing for the project.

One thing I've learnt or am trying to implement from Varian is a strong sense of respect for intellectual property or IP for short. He makes sure I get my dues from the songs that I did the last time in another project, asking from the artists permission for using his ambigram for his tattoo and paying respect and dues to the any artist (musically or artistically) for the usage of their works. It really gotten me thinking about the fact we Malaysians have still a long way in terms of respecting IP and we really need to think about it because otherwise musicians and artists in this country will run to our neighbours to make it big. Come to think about it, I think I'll do the same one day.

That's all for today. Time to play CnC 3 with the DVD Jackal bought from Holiday Plaza...cheerios!

- Written in Starbucks Taipan

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Religous Tolerance?

There was an article on BBC recently on the Pope's 80th birthday that got me thinking about the sensitivity issues that plague every country since religion was founded. His Lordship was hoping that reciprocity would play a big part in harmonizing relationships between all religion although he explicitly mentioned the relationship between Muslims and Christians as a whole. Come to think about it, it does kinda make sense when we ponder over it. Why do the Western worlds emphasize so much on religion tolerance where only meritocracy plays a better part rather than religion or culture issues?

This is going to raise some hackles but another issue that was bugging the Pope and probably other non-Muslim country leaders is why must they accommodate Muslims and ensuring that they do not get offended in any ways possible but they (the Muslim countries themselves) have not ensured that they actually do the same for us? Any sane person will tell you that the development and advancement of any country is all about the productivity and and efficiency of it's citizens rather than spouting religious rhetorics and making a fool of themselves in general (Just look at the Taliban and you know what I mean). I know I may not be fair in in generalizing everyone like this but what set me off was the fact that minorities in the majority of muslim countries are not allow to profess or spread their religion or culture in that country whereas we see that Muslims are allowed to do the same in non-Muslim countries.

Just this morning I was reading another article on BBC that Islamic hardliners have killed 3 people in a Bible publishing house in Turkey. You don't see that around in a non-Muslim country all the time do you? Of course we do see cases like this at certain times but I feel it is more of redneck-ignorance that contributed to the persecution of Muslims rather than any actual religious basis. Certain political parties in Malaysia are merely paying lip-service to Islam but they are actually more concern with the survival of their own swine-skin rather than the advancement of their own people. Although Malaysia has a higher tolerance level in terms of religion and cultural mingling, I fear it is not going to last for long as we can see how Germany ended up in the early 19th century.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Musical Musings

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been a big fan of musicals and I really enjoy them whether they were on TV or in the theater. I will always remember the day I watched the Phantom Of The Opera in the Kallang Theater (the Esplanade aka Big Durian wasn't built then) and I was fascinated with the theatrics and effects that made musicals so wonderful. Of course, I have to mention it was still under the directorship of Sir Andrew Loyd Webber back then and nothing beats it like the original stuff. Pestered my parents to buy the book for me and I still have with me after more than 10 years since I've watched it.

Anyway, I've just completed downloading scrubs season 6 and there is one episode that I've never failed to watch it over and over again. It is episode six and it is special cuz the whole episode was a musical itself. Just watching it gave me the thrill, the happiness that I've never experienced for a long time in any movie or tv series. I was also sad because deep inside me that is just what I wanted to do...to write my own musical. I'm very lucky cuz my good friend Varian has given me the chance to monkey around with his projects by writing and re-arranging songs for his work and if possible I will never turn it down even if it means making the trip back to JB and Singapore from KL. I just feel a sense of loss every time each of his project is completed and I will always wish it will never end. Although it is hard work (we end up working like mad without any sleep and sad to say, we smoke like crazy too), there is nothing better than to see your work and arrangements being used for another musical, tv series and etc..

I suppose once I've earned enough moolah for all the equipment I need for my own recording, I'll outsource projects and also do my own compositions at that time. In the mean time, I'll just concentrate on my FYP and other misc stuff for the moment and hope that He will give me a chance to prove myself someday.




Muppets With Scrubs

Many thanks to my good bro here, Navin aka crimpmaster...wait i think it's cryptmaster for introducing me to the TV series scrubs. For those of you that do not know this great TV series, you do not know what you are missing. I've found a special extra that is not within the many Scrubs season that I have here. Just watch this one :

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Sony M2 Card

Guess wat folks! Just won myself of a 1GB sony m2 card. Never expected to win it though...I just entered the lucky draw at CnetAsia last year around October. Hehehe...Only one problem though. I bought my 1GB card from a friend in the US recently cuz it was cheaper than the one in Msia and Singapore.

Seeing that fact that I can only use one card per time, this card would be given to my darling for her potentially new phone..the Z610. Soli lor..I can't afford to buy her a new phone yet. hehe. Gonna dump plenty of songs inside it so i can bring my music around with me. Now to enjoy my new M2 card I'm going to chuck everytime of junk i can think of inside. Adios.

3 Trees

This is a story about 3 trees. Read on...



The 3 Trees. A Nice story.



Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods.
They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the
first tree said,
"Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be
filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could
be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would
see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty
ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters
and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will
feel safe in me because of the strength of my
hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the
tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People
will see me on top of the Hill and look up to my
branches, and think of the heavens and God and how
close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest
tree of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams
would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees.
When one came to the first tree he said,
"This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be
able to sell the wood to a carpenter," and he began
cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew
that the carpenter would make him into a treasure
chest.

At the second tree the woodsman said, "This looks like
a strong tree. I should be able to sell it to the
shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew
he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was
frightened because he knew that if they cut him down
his dreams would not come true. One of the Woodsmen
said, "I don't need anything special from my Tree,
I'll take this one," and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was
made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed
in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all
what he had prayed for.

The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing
boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying
kings had come to an end.

The third tree was cut into large pieces, and left
alone in the dark.

The years went by, and the trees forgot about their
dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She
gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the
feed box that was made from the first tree. The man
wished that he could have made a crib for the baby,
but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of
this event and knew that it had held the greatest
treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat
made from the second tree. One of them was tired and
went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a
great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was
strong enough to keep the men safe. The
men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and said "Peace" and the
Storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it
had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was
carried through the streets as the people mocked the
man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop,
the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air
to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the
tree came to realize that it was strong enough to
stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God
as was possible, because Jesus had been
crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem
to be going your way, always know that God has a plan
for you. If you place your trust in Him, God will
give you great gifts.

Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in
the way they had Imagined.

We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We
just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways
are always best.

Please keep this moving... Pass it on, so God may
inspire more people on the way.

May your day be blessed. And until we meet again, may
God cradle you In the palm of His hand






Saturday, March 31, 2007

Disheartening...

It's disheartening to see that I'm not respected anymore.

It's disheartening to see that My rights are no longer relevant anymore.

It's disheartening to see that laws that are used to protect Me are thrown away regardless of the consequences. It's disheartening to see that being a Malaysian no longer means anything to Me.

It's disheartening to see that politicians and judges are discriminating and dirtying a religion I used to respect. It's disheartening to see that I'm no longer anak Malaysia, but seen as anak Pendatang Asing.

It's disheartening to see that My Constitution is a farce in our society.



Read all about it on Council Imtiaz's blog.









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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Reflections

1st quarter has come and go for 2007. Just finished all my assignments with just another presentation to go with. Thank God EOS is gone. Was pretty nerve-wreaking and it totally freaked me out with endless amounts of stress coupled with all the assignments thrown in. Urgh...wouldn't want to do that again if i could.



Been reading the newsies and Jeffooi's blog wherever and whenever i could. All i can deduce in layman's term is that M'sia is basically ruled by dogs and pigs which have no passion at all for what they do. Wait a minute!!!...It's a damm insult to the dogs and pigs here...At least they take pride on what they do unlike our politicians. BTW oxford publishers and other dictionary publishers should take note on the latest entry here. You might want to consider this entry in your respective dictionaries :



M·C·M· (Male Chauvinistic Machan)   

adjective

1. A Male who discriminates greatly against females iregardless of race and religion .

2. Emphasis on his own superiority without considering the consequences.

3. Tengku Adnan.






I suppose alot more could be worse these days. Gonna prepare for my exams here. *Sigh* Oh what the hell, let those damm politicians say what they want. Other than the fact that their grey-matter is all shoved up where-the-sun-doesn't-shine, they are merely a bunch of idiots who can't tell that having sex with their own kids and goats are wrong. Call me immature if you want, but this is the only way i can vent my frustration right now on those idiots without getting sued (hopefully). Name-calling is always been a part of my life as a quick, easy and dirty method of releasing whatever frustration I have without letting it eat into me. Adjectives like goat-fuckers, pedophiles, pig-eaters, NEP-fascists, NEP-beggars and many other more help me through my day as I see them asserting their superiority againts other races.



Don't anyone give me the holier-than-thou attitude because deep inside all of us, there is a little KKK and Nazi waiting to be expunged and released to the whole bloody world. The trick here is to let it out without affecting our judgment on other people as fellow human-beings. I do not let my personal-loathing and frustration affect my friendships with other people of other races. I come from a mix marriage and it is bloody funny at times when people start telling me stories about the Keling Kia or the CinaPek or the Machan at times when they think I am either one of their kind. I have many friends not only from Msia but from other countries as well and it is kinda of ironic that our politicians today do not have the same camaraderie as their fore-fathers who strive to built bridges across nations of different religion and cultures.



It is definitely ironic to see our former prime minister (Tun Razak if I'm not mistaken, I failed my local history btw) shaking hands with our ideological enemy, and yet we have our local politicians (especially Somebody's Son-In-Law) lambasting other nations in which we share similar if not identical ideals. Shame on us Malaysians for voting these idiots on to our benches and allowing them to lord over us. I may be simplifying things too much, but then again you have to ask yourselves whether have we been truthful in knowing what we want?





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Sunday, March 11, 2007

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Slowly, slowly, deeper and deeper

Oh dang....Surprise surprise people. Proton is slowly going down the drain once more. Look I'm not too happy about it k? As a car enthusiasts I would like nothing more than our national car maker earning some moolah to show that not all GLCs are useless. Even TNB and MAS are posting a profit therefore what excuse is it for Proton to be so in-debt and useless that nothing seems to be coming out of it? I'm no financial whizkid but looking at the statistics here we seem to find that our national car maker is slowly draining our tax dollars despite government bailouts over the years that Proton has been in existence. When LKY initiated the formation of SIA donkey years ago, the essence of what he told them was that they (SIA) must either be able to survive on its own or you can be another corporate corpse littering the Singapore landscape.



The point is if our own GLCs are not performing at all why bother? Mitsubishi screwed all of us Malaysians when it was found that they themselves hid defects from customers over the past 20 years while manufacturing Mitsubishi cars. I think that the gwailo folks at Lotus are probably too ashamed to be associated with Proton that's why you don't see so many of them hanging around TPM. Come to think about it, is Lotus still at TPM?



It takes an Angmoh or gwailo to usually turn the company around. Look at what Carlos Ghosn has done for Nissan. And the sad fact is, Proton rather be taken over by a gwailo rather than a Malaysian Chinese or a Malaysian Indian due to their stupid pride in making sure that only "Bumiputras" are in the top position. Mr PM look around you and asked yourself honestly. Everything planned and executed successfully are the results of the Chinese-Indian communities, or any of your cronies?



Young ones like us have no mood or hope to be in Malaysia anymore. If GLCs are to be run using meritocracy as it's key-performance index, we will be the envy of every developing and developed nation in the world. Otherwise we are merely screwing ourselves and we can forget about being developed by the year 2020. I think Dr. M would rather kick the bucket than to see what will happen in the year 2020.







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Monday, February 26, 2007

Why?

I'm tired. Tired of fighting with myself. Tired of fighting with my own demons. What have I accomplished over these past 4 years? Absolutely nothing. I just wish that i can fade away like a shadow in the dark. My hatred has burned into me so much that I feel absolutely incompetent. What milestones do I have in my life? My anger has worn me out, my greed has cost me my dignity and integrity, my selfishness caused pain to those who truly love me and care for me. I'm so emotionally attach to things and people that don't give a damm of who I am and I failed to see those who really care for me.



Just wishing I could turn back the clock, and see things that really matter to me.





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